research

The first usage of slut is from 1386 in The Canterbury Tales. Chaucer used the adjective “sluttish” to refer to a man who is dressed in dirty and untidy clothes. In 1402, the English poet Thomas Hoccleve used “slut” as a noun in much the same way but with regard to a woman — a slovenly woman who didn’t keep her home clean. “Slut” continued to be used as a synonym for a woman who’s dirty or untidy and who is poor or from the working class. At around the same time, “slut” also became a synonym for a woman of low or loose character — someone who was inappropriately sexually forward. Being sloppy in matters of cleanliness became associated with being untidy in matters of sexuality.

“Slut” was used exclusively to refer to white women. “Slut” had meaning as a derogatory word only because it was the opposite of the white feminine ideal. For centuries, white people regarded black women as inherently slutty; therefore, black sluttiness did not necessarily trigger a judgmental reaction against whites. Therefore, I found no historical examples of black women labeled “sluts.” The synonym “ho,” an alteration of “whore,” crept into African-American vernacular much later, in the 1960s.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/leora-tanenbaum/what-does-slut-mean-anyway_b_6594124.html?guccounter=1

The issue isn't in the word itself; it's what the word represents: patriarchal structures of power, rape culture, and everyday sexism.

"The term slut and what it means to be a slut has changed its meaning for me as I've matured over the years. In my high school years being called a slut was derogatory and embarrassing — the slut was the girl who got around and had a lot of negative gossip surrounding her. The slut was a threat to us other girls. The slut was having threesomes while the rest of us barely knew how to insert a tampon correctly.

Now, in my late 20s, slut has become a term of empowerment. My friends and I relish the term, because rather than seeing the slut as a threat to other women, it serves as a threat to patriarchal society. Being a slut then means being independent, self-assured, and self-determining in all aspects but especially in our bodies and our sexuality, which has always been held against us." — Naomi, 27

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21352/12-people-on-what-the-word-slut-means-to-them.html

It's a warning more than a word: a reminder to women to adhere to sexual norms or be punished

So, what's a "slut", then? It's any of us, and all of us – especially those of us who step out of line in some way real or imaginary. It has little to do with the number of our sexual partners, or the way we dress or flirt, or if we take birth control or not.

It's a warning more than a word – a reminder to women that we must adhere to the narrow standards of femininity and sexuality set out for us, or be punished accordingly. And in that way, the real meaning of "slut" is terrifyingly clear.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/23/slut-female-word-women-being-female

Now, it’s possible that no one has ever called you a slut. This experience of being labeled, dismissed, and berated might not apply to your life. But here’s the thing: You know it could. If you’re a woman, you live with the constant pressure of certain expectations when it comes to how you dress, what you say, whom you interact with and how. But it’s more than that. You live with the awareness that at any moment, through no fault of your own — even if you never slip up — someone might decide you’re a slut anyway. And it could be more than a casual comment or a mindless accusation. A suspicion in someone’s mind, however baseless it might be, could turn into a rumor. And that rumor could destroy your reputation. It could cost you your job. It could end your relationship. And you have no control over that. It’s incredibly unfair.

In an attempt to gain control over the word, some women advocate for a reclamation of slut. Some feminist friends of mine, from Amber Rose to activists I’ve met while I’m on their college campuses, are compelled to redefine slut to mean something positive for them. They want to flip the word on its head by embracing it as a label in their own lives. On a personal level, this redefinition makes perfect sense. It can feel cathartic to turn something that once hurt us into something that makes us feel powerful.

But on a larger, societal level, I think the effort to assign new meaning to slut is misguided. I don’t want to redefine it because I don’t believe we need a word like slut in the first place. Even if we try to give it a positive connotation, just using it at all supports the idea that it’s necessary to categorize women according to their sexuality. Wouldn’t it be better to start speaking frankly about all the things slut can suggest? We won’t need a label when we can comfortably discuss our sexual pleasure, our right to not be sexually violated, and our physical and emotional insecurities.

It’s been about 20 years since the first time someone called me a slut, and now I’m quite sure that I’ll never define it. But I don’t want to. I don’t think we need to. Instead, let’s define ourselves. I was never just “that girl with the boobs,” and no one is ever just a slut. It’s easy to allow other people to decide who we are and what's important about us. But that power should belong to us, and we can reclaim it.

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/definition-of-slut

ok

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10845534/Why-is-it-only-women-who-see-sexism-everywhere.html

ok

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/10841563/Do-men-really-understand-what-sexism-is.html

author: "selfies kings"
this is a book???
do these women know about this shit?
who the fuck buys it
why does fucking bol.com sell it

and yes there are more >>>

started as insult for white women

LOSING CONTROL OVER OWN BODY

CLAIMING CONTROL OVER WOMEN'S BODIES

FREE FEMALE SEXUALITY IS THREATENING

priorities in plessure

https://globalnews.ca/news/4120387/motherhood-sexuality-denial/

WOMEN ARE SLUTS AND MEN ARE, WELL, MEN.

racist sexual stereotypes

i do not want to redefine womanhood, as I don't want to define it at all.

If you redefine what it means to be female, how broad and empowering it might be, there will always be women who do not fit into that definition.
If you create a definition of womanhood, there is again room to put us in that box of the definition of being female. The very moment any woman steps out of that box, acts differently then the definition expects us to act, we will no longer be considered to be a woman, we will be accused of not respecting our womanhood. Don't ever place any female in that position. Ever again.
If you want to define or redefine womanhood, look at all women surrounding you. Look at your mother, your friends, the woman you admire the most, the woman that frustrates you the most. Because no woman is less of a woman because of any form of behaviour.
There are too many characteristics, personalities and identities to put in one almighty definition.

If you ask me, what womanhood looks like, I will tell you this:

DOLLE MYTHES

gay is a common term of abuse among young people. it is the equivalent of whore. both words serve to discipline young people into desirable behavior: for boys the greatest sin is to appear feminine, for girls it is to appear sexually promiscuous.

if someone is called a lesbian, is rather to put someone down as sexless.so a woman who is not heterosexually available is considered worthless.

vaak toch alleen vragen over vrouw zijn. vrouwelijke identiteit. kinderen krijgen. meer vragen over seks, shaming ervaringen, etc.
Keuzes maken, kinderen of cariere.
vrjiheid in uiting, ver van t bedshow,

wachten met seks, wanneer een man zijn verlangen weg kan zetten geeft hij echt om je

double standards of morality

lack of self respect

giving away a part of yourself

no relationship material

contrast of being sexually wanted and a nasty woman

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

what is a slut?
Have you ever been called a slut?
How did this shape you and your community?

Do communities look different at girls/women after they are labeled as slut?
What triggers this?

How and why are girls/women encouraged to lead with their sexuality?
How are they socially rewarded for dressing provocatively and being sexually active?
How and why are they, later on, shamed for doing so?

How does PURE VS. PROMISCUOUS impact the sexual development of young people?

Why do sexual double standards exist in our society?

Have you observed anyone successfully use the word SLUT in a positive way?
Can it be a badge of honour?
What are ways girls and women authentically own their sexuality?

Why do girls shame other girls?

What pressures do boys and young men face when it comes down to exploring and expressing their sexual selves?
How do boys react on accusations of sexual violence?

What is rape?
Do bystanders bear any responsibility to intervene in these types of situations?

How does gang mentality or peer pressure impact slut shaming or sexual assault/harassment?

What role do parents play in slut shaming?
How can parents affectively support their teenage sons and daughters as they grow into their sexual selves?
How can parents - teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors etc. be supportive and provide guidance?

What roles should schools and teachers play in engaging students in conversations about sex including the realities of sexual harassment and assault?
What role should school administrators and teachers play in sexual violence cases when their students are involved?

Is it always the right/best decision to take legal action as a victim of sexual violence?

How can we cultivate ways in which people can share their stories with each other?

How has the increased use of technology and social media affected rape and sexual assault cases?

What do you think the future holds of a victim of sexual violence?

ready to do it with anyone at any time

QUOTES THROUGHOUT THE BOOK THAT HIT ME

"It is time to talk about this, and young people are the ones living it, they are the experts."

"They determined that the word slut served as a barometer of female sexuality -the measurement of female status and self-worth."

"Even though it makes no sense I still accept it as a reality. When I'm labeled a slut or when others are labeled a slut."

"Girls distance themselves from the victim in order to distance themselves from the word slut -to convey that they are definitely not the kind of girls you could do anything like that to, that they are not the kind of girls whom no one feels compelled to care about or help
Meanwhile, boys got . . . close "

"Being a slut means any guy who feels entitled had license to touch her."

"No accomplishments matter, because she is "just a slut". Nothing is bigger than that identity."

"Slut shaming means to degrade women's and girls' sexuality and then use it to justify harassment and rape."

"Being called a slut is often a girls' first experience of being second-class."

"In life, girls call each other sluts -as empowerment. But then something happens to demonstrate how far we are from being able to deploy the term SLUT in a way that benefits girls and women."

"Boys are expected to always want sex, with very little space to say no or not now. Meanwhile girls are expected to be sexually alluring, which then shifts blame for the violence perpetrated by rapists and molesters onto women.
Their desire to be perceived as as attractive is conflated with accepting violence."

" 'You know, technically speaking he raped me' 'Well, then every girl has been raped'.
I know a lot of girls who have been pressured in doing things they didn't want to do."

"Because he felt like it - As unfair as it all was, she's the only one who felt ashamed -

"The theory is if you can't beat it, own it. Sexy isn't bad, being sexy isn't bad, so 'slut' can't hurt me, right? So I'll show them it doesn't hurt me by using it myself. The problem is, it can hurt you and it does hurt you. And it's just too hard to walk the line.
Eventually you stumble or you get thrown down and any positive connotation disappears. Honestly, I can't think of any other word that makes girls feel more degraded and worthless."

"Slut is something you can't turn off, log out of, minimize or mute."

"The experiences of sexual shaming and rape are different for everyone and are largely impacted by gender, sexuality, race, socioeconomic status, religion etc."

"People questioned why we would let young girls take on such an intense issue. Is it appropriate to encourage girls to use offensive language and talk so openly about sex and sexuality? Why are you trying to shock people with the title and the dialogue? Is it healthy for a 16-year old to portray a rape victim on stage?
Valid questions. But, what's there to say beyond this, reputable studies concur that between one in four and one in five women and girls will experience sexual assault.

It is time to talk about this, and young people are the ones living it, they are the experts."

"They have something to say and the stage gives them a place to speak their truths loud and proud, with no censorship and no apology.
There is power in being part of the solution. It's neither girls' nor theater's responsibility to be polite, appropriate or cute. The goal should be the truth, even if the truth makes people uncomfortable."

"There is not one single good that comes out of being called a slut, not even if you're the one calling yourself this name."

"

every woman on this fucking earth.

"SLUT SHAMING MEANS TO DEGRADE WOMEN'S AND GIRLS' SEXUALITY AND THEN USE IT TO JUSTIFY HARASSMENT AND RAPE"

- SLUT

https://www.npostart.nl/verkracht-of-niet/21-11-2017/BV_101385107

EXPERIENCES THROUGHOUT THE BOOK THAT HIT ME

" 'It won't happen to me, because I'm different.' I pictured myself as exceptional because the reality -that i too could be raped and treated as worthless by my community- was too frightening to acknowledge."

"Because it wasn't worth it to say no to him. It wasn't worth it to fight him. But what I was saying wasn't 'yes'.
I said stop sort of casually because I didn't want to alarm him."

" 'You know, technically speaking he raped me' 'Well, then every girl has been raped'.
I know a lot of girls who have been pressured in doing things they didn't want to do."

"The 'lucky' women in the R&B videos are just things -toys and scenery- not people. Their self-worth is completely diminished. In the videos the women have no control.
There is a very unhealthy male to female dynamic being modeled in these videos by celebreties we worship."

"In the media, African American women are often portrayed as voluptuous and sexual with 'ratchet' ghetto attitudes and three baby daddies. And music videos pack the biggest punch against young women of color. Instead of rapping about our strength, male recording artists call us 'sexy bitches' or 'fine-ass hoes'.
I should not feel like I have to mimic the women in these videos to get the attention I want from a boy I like. And boys should not expect us to act that way. Maybe if the media didn't portray us as hos, bitches, big booty-judys, or sluts, we would get a little more respect and have a little more room to just be we are."

" (Porn) I had entered a world where instead of referring to the women by name, they were referred to by a combination of their hair color, skin color and the added words slut or whore.
I had entered a world where every girl is recorded saying she 'wants it' and 'craves cum'."

Rape culture and slut shaming is entirely created by power relations. The dominance of men over women. By the power that the man has, and is given over the female body. By not being punished when a man/boy forwards nude photos, by not being charged after a sexual assault or rape, by getting a pardon for sexual violence under the guise of 'men always want sex, men can just do not control lusts'.
This in combination with the guilt that is placed on the victim, the power relationship is continuously maintained. By women who denigrate and look down upon other women after experiences of sexual violence. In this way, both men and women protect the vulnerability and the ego of the man.
Because of this, the man is rarely held responsible for his actions.

Through social media people can not only hijack your identity but also your body. By labeling someone as a slut, the person loses all the features of his identity, making you lose your entire self being. It doesn't matter anymore whether the person is friendly, respectful, intelligent or funny. In fact, the label SLUT overshadows everything. Nothing is bigger than that identity.
The moment someone's body is 'hijacked' by putting nude photos online or forwarding, someone's body becomes disconnected from the real body. This shifts the control of the person to the 'perpetrators' online. Your body is out of your reach, you can no longer influence what people do with your body and therefore you can not address or correct people on perverted actions. It's no longer as much of a conversation as it would be when it is physical. The body then becomes an object, the person in the picture no longer has any identity besides the label SLUT, and thereby also loses control of her body.
This results in the unwritten rule that sexual violence is impossible with a slut. Because she no longer has any control over her identity and her body, and people in general have taken control of it, the body becomes public property. Anyone can take it. Everyone then has the right to claim the body whenever they want. Online, by sending the photos and by looking at the photos (and god knows what else they do). And physically, through assault, rape and other forms of sexual violence. Being a slut means any one who feels entitled has a license to touch her.

The moment that a slut files a report for sexual violence, her experience will be denied. Because she already wears the identity SLUT, she loses her value and humanity. She is an object that everyone can take, so the perpetrators are not punishable. That is the reason that, when filing a report, the history of the victim is examined, looking for sexual behaviour that falls outside the norms of female sexuality. The moment this is found, she gets the slut identity and the perpetrators are in their right.
This creates victim blaming.

This is victim blaming.

2---Those who mistreat her justify their actions on the grounds that the slut is too sexual, and therefore deserves policing or punishment.

---it doesn't take guts to be a bully these days because you don't have to expose yourself and take responsibility for your actions. Before internet bullies had to make an effort that carried the risk of exposure.
For the girl who's targeted, the experience of being labeled as a slut is heightened and sharpened like never before. Slut is an identity with no escape. It's part of the permanent digital record.

---Slut bashing = verbal harassment in which a girl is intentionally targeted because she doesn't adhere to the feminine norms
Slut shaming = the act of labelling someone as a slut in a non-bullying context. It is a casual and often indirect form of judgement.

2---The intention is to police another girl. to warn her that she's being watched. As a guardian of sexual values.
Just as often there is a disconnect between their intentions and the consequences enacted by others, who may not be clued in to the irony and playfulness.

---Reclaiming the word may end up causing more harm than good.

---Many of us have come to believe that our bodies should always be visible and available. We judge other female bodies, and our bodies are always judged. Performance and surveillance are now central to everyone's lives, and especially so for girls and young women.

3 ---Girls primary value comes from being sexually desirable and available. Yet paradoxically, slut and ho also signify that being sexually desirable and available reduce a female's worth. From every angle, females are evaluated through a sexual prism.

2---Slut props up a rape culture in which many people, men and women alike, believe that coercing a female to perform sexual acts she doesn't want to do, or to which she can't say no, is unproblematic. If a girl or women is sexually assaulted, she is said to deserve it because she's, well, a slut. If she didn't provoke it, the perpetrator would've been able to control it's lusts.

It can lead girls and women to engage in self-destructive behaviours such as drug use and abuse, eating disorders, disordered sexual behaviour and suicide attempts.

It compromises the sexual health of girls and women. They may feel inhibited from using contraceptives or even from making an appointment with a health-care provider, leading to unintended pregnancies and STD's.

---No matter what a girl or woman has done sexually, no matter what clothes she wears, no matter what has happened to her, no matter what her body looks like, and no matter who she is,
-she never deserves to be labeled a slut.
-no women is ever a slut.

---A heterosexist model that teaches women when they have sex, they lose something of value and therefore, engaging in 'too much sex' will leave them valueless. Meanwhile, men are taught that they must, by any means necessary, obtain that precious commodity before 'too many men' experience it and it's value is lost.

2---Either way, the choice of what to do with her body and sexuality is at least partially, if not totally, taken out of her hands.

2---In the commodity model of sex, not only does men's sexuality lack any inherent value, but men are also pushed to be in constant control, distant from each other and women, and in constant competition.
There is a distinct advantage of being in control of course, but the expectation this creates for male behaviour leads to its own share of trouble.

He can't control his urges, can't control his sexuality, and can't control himself around women.
Even when it's not meant as an insult, but a defence of certain male behaviours around women. Men can't control their sexual urges.

---Their goal is to control or manipulate women and obtain their value as commodities.

2---When a man doesn't fulfill his assigned role, he's ridiculed, called names, ostracized, and sometimes punished with physical violence.
This belief that men are always in charge and in control sexually leads many men to deny experiences of rape or sexual assault, whether the perpetrator is female or male.

cognitive dissonance

2---Male survivors frequently blame themselves, questioning why they weren't 'strong enough' or 'dominant' enough to prevent the rape from happening.

6---IF MALE SEXUALITY HAS NO INHERENT VALUE, WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO TAKE IT BY FORCE OR COERCION?

---The one and only group of people who truly benefit from these cultural norms -perpetrators of sexual violence.
They are masters at using this terrible trifecta to both aid them in committing assaults and cover them up afterwards.

6---Female perpetrators can rely on cultural beliefs that women don't rape and men can't be raped.

3---He's perceived to be not the victim, but rather a winner.

2---Who benefits when we spend our energy looking into a victim's/ accuser's/ complainant's/ survivor's past and not the perpetrator's/respondent's/defendant's past? Who benefits when we ask questions such as 'Why was she there?', 'Why did she drink so much?', 'Why did she walk home with him?', 'Why was she wearing that short skirt?', and not 'WHY DID HE RAPE HER?'

2---Abuse doesn't always stop when a relationship ends.

The same gender norms that allow men to rape at such staggering rates also create ideals of masculinity that silence male survivors.

2---Violence can occur regardless of sexual orientation. Male-male sexual violence is most commonplace in gender-segregated communities, specifically institutions such as the military, fraternities and sport teams, the prison system and among queer populations perpetrated by other queer men or by straight men.

6---SEXUAL VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS ABOUT POWER AND NOT NECESSARILY TIED TO SEXUAL DESIRE OR PREFERENCES.

---Men are always thinking about sex and thus always must be ready and willing to have sex. This is not the case, desires vary, by person and situation. Regardless of the reasons one has for not wanting sex, it is a choice that must be respected.

2---In our society, there is an attitude that one's experience of violence is only legitimate if they fight back. Society teaches women, queer people and other groups that fighting back isn't in their nature, and is a sign of a tendency towards violence or instability or undesirability.
Any type of coercion -physical, emotional, economic- can make 'fighting back' far from a viable option.

2---Force is about more than holding someone down. It's about trapping someone in a pattern, about an assumption of consent in a relationship, about an unspoken threat if a person is to say no.
Indeed, an often-cited issue is that assaults that don't result in broken bones, bruises, scars or hospital visits must not be 'violent enough' to necessitate help.

6---PHYSICAL AROUSAL DOES NOT EQUAL CONSENT. A BODILY REACTION IS NOT A 'YES'

---People are able to hide experiences from themselves or from others for years, that doesn't change what happened.

One mayor flaw in sex education, no matter how progressive, is that we fail to talk about sex as pleasure.

The sexuality of our young people, especially teens, is a national fright. Not so much fear of what they do, but what adults fear them doing. And our leaders are unwilling to face this reality.

2---If our bodies are already sexual, is there any way that we can dress modestly and be respected?

---GIRLS SEEKING VALIDATION FROM BOYS BY SLUTSHAMING

---My acknowledgement of how the digital and mobile media landscape complicates and impacts how girls are slutted and defamed in schools is not an endorsement for limiting and policing teen's access to technology. This form of cyberbullying stems from the prevalence and normalization of sexism and misogyny in our public institutions and pop culture, and is heightened because of the hyper public nature of the digital space.
THE REAL PROBLEM IS OUR CULTURAL NARRATIVE ABOUT GIRLHOOD, AND NOT THE MEDIUM ITSELF.
Indeed, the same medium that is deployed as a tool for online harassment is also the channel that allow girls to organize, amplify their voices, document their experiences and speak truth to power collectively.

---The only people dress codes worry about are heterosexual boys. Straight boys who encounter girls they're attracted to can manage academically just fine. This idea ignores that fact that girls and LGBTQ kids exist as sexual people. When have you ever heard someone talk about what is distracting to girls or gay kids? But do you know what is distracting? Trying not to be distracting. This framing of the problem is marginalizing, sexist, and heteronormative.

4---It implies that girls have responsibility for boys' responses and that boys can't control themselves.
People need to get a firm grip on the fact that girls are not sexual thermostats for their male peers. Boys need to manage themselves and are fully capable of doing so.

If people are concerned that girls think appearing sexually provocative is important, then they should confront the reasons why girls perceive these things to be true by the time they are 10 or 11.

6---BLAMING GIRLS FOR MAKING RATIONAL CHOICES ABOUT WHAT SOCIETY REWARDS THEM FOR IS USELESS AND HYPOCRITICAL.

The issue isn't having rules or standards, it's the assumptions with which they are constructed and how they are enforced. This is of much more concern and frequently sets harmful precedents.

The enforcer of dress codes uses her body as an object for his or her purposes. And she is not consenting.

2---Boys have grown up with ideas about how her clothes can 'distract' boys and make them do things they haven't been told or asked overtly to control. The girl also might very well have internalized ideas repeatedly conveyed to her about how people confuse her clothes for 'morality', or intent, how others can use or comment on her body, how her consent is neither expected or respected.

Policies are sometimes simply palimpsets of sexism, racism and homophobia, written over time and left undisturbed for too long. When traditions are sexist, racist and homophobic they should be abandoned.

While manifestations of power are different in different places, the end result is the same -controlling a girls' sexuality and appropriating her reproduction.

---The biggest common factor of rape culture is the lower status given to women and girls.

2---When girls are young there is a dream that we are in an equal world -even our sexual rights are equal- then they get a shock when something goes wrong and they are not believed or supported.

6---When you have a culture where women are blamed for their abuse, it is very hard to make the legal system work because the people who are part of that system -police, prosecutors, judges, parliamentarians- are also part of that culture.
Any transgressions that result in your being harassed is your fault.
There are no corresponding codes for men and in fact, men are viewed as lacking any self-control at all, excusing all forms of violence against women.

Things dat have to do with women and family suddenly become static. (just as racist behaviour) This is justified in the name of religion and religious edicts. The oppression of people can not be a part of culture.

---In so many slut shaming cases girls are often the ones being brutal against one another over a guy. In Pakistan, India etc domestic violence is violence perpetrated by mother-in-law against daughter-in-law. FGM is carried on by female circumcisers.

6---INTERNATIONAL ACTION IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. ALL GOVERNMENTS COME TOGETHER AT THE UNITED NATIONS. SO, WHEN THE UNITED NATIONS SET CERTAIN STANDARDS, EVEN IF THEY MIGHT NOT FILTER DOWN, THEY ARE GOING TO BE LISTENED TO MUCH MORE ACTIVELY THAN ANYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE AT THE NATIONAL LEVEL.
IT PROTECTS MARGINALIZED GROUPS THAT MAY BE AT RISK BECAUSE NOW THEIR GOVERNMENTS KNOW THAT THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY IS WATCHING, AND ALLOWS FOR LAWS AND POLICIES TO BE PUT INTO PLACE.

6---A WELL-FUNCTIONING LEGAL SYSTEM DOES NOT RESULT IN MANY PEOPLE IN JAIL, BUT RATHER PEOPLE DETERRED FROM COMMITTING CRIMES.

4---Because a girl with a 'reputation' is perceived as a slut by her school community, she is not the 'perfect victim' and therefore not believed or supported by many who learn about her rape.

2---"We learned that most men are not violent, but a lot of men are silent, which is why there is such a need for us to speak up and be that guy who stands up for girls and women in the face of violence."

2---When people speak out they give others permission to do the same.

---Language matters and the dirtying of female sexuality and limiting of female sexual expression is perpetuated every time someone uses (says, texts, posts etc.) the word slut.

2---No one wants to be associated with the slut of the moment for fear of being shamed or humiliated too.

---The media makes a practice of sexualizing girls and women and glamorizing sexual violence.

The harm inflicted on the victim would have greatly decreased had the bystanders intervened. We have a responsibility to ourselves to look out for our own safety and well being, however, we also have a responsibility to others.

Carol Gilligan demonstrates that qualities associated with women and femininity -empathy, cooperation, relationships- are, in fact, human qualities and human strengths.

6---FEMINISM IS THE ACT OF SEPARATING PATRIARCHY FROM DEMOCRACY.
(BASICALLY FIGHTING FALLOCRACY)

Once you've lost your virginity you'll never regain your sense of purity or desirability.

---THE LOVE LAWS of patriarchy = laws that establish "who can be loved, and how, and how much?" Across time and cultures, the suppression of an ethically resisting voice has been tied to controlling women's sexuality.

---Games of inclusion and exclusion are the initiation of girls. It requires girls to disassociate themselves form their desires and from their own bodies.

THE DOUBLE STANDARD IS REALLY A SINGLE STANDARD DESIGNED TO PROTECT MEN'S VULNERABILITY. BOTH MEN AND WOMEN PROTECT MEN'S VULNERABILITY.
We protect men's vulnerability to being shamed, to prove his masculinity. Because in a way the rapist is showing his inability to have a woman consent to have sex with him if he has to force it on a woman and prove his masculinity by dominating her.

<<<< this is contradicting with other parts of the book where they state that sexual violence is never about sexual desire but always about power. He did not need her to consent with it because he could get it anyway.

Girls primary value comes from being sexually desirable and available. Yet paradoxically, slut and ho also signify that being sexually desirable and available reduce a female's worth. From every angle, females are evaluated through a sexual prism.

A heterosexist model that teaches women when they have sex, they lose something of value and therefore, engaging in 'too much sex' will leave them valueless. Meanwhile, men are taught that they must, by any means necessary, obtain that precious commodity before 'too many men' experience it and it's value is lost.

In the commodity model of sex, not only does men's sexuality lack any inherent value, but men are also pushed to be in constant control, distant from each other and women, and in constant competition. There is a distinct advantage of being in control of course, but the expectation this creates for male behaviour leads to its own share of trouble.

When a man doesn't fulfill his assigned role, he's ridiculed, called names, ostracized, and sometimes punished with physical violence.
This belief that men are always in charge and in control sexually leads many men to deny experiences of rape or sexual assault, whether the perpetrator is female or male.

Male survivors frequently blame themselves, questioning why they weren't 'strong enough' or 'dominant' enough to prevent the rape from happening.

He's perceived to be not the victim, but rather a winner.

Men are always thinking about sex and thus always must be ready and willing to have sex. This is not the case, desires vary, by person and situation. Regardless of the reasons one has for not wanting sex, it is a choice that must be respected.

If our bodies are already sexual, is there any way that we can dress modestly and be respected?

The only people dress codes worry about are heterosexual boys. Straight boys who encounter girls they're attracted to can manage academically just fine. This idea ignores that fact that girls and LGBTQ kids exist as sexual people. When have you ever heard someone talk about what is distracting to girls or gay kids? But do you know what is distracting? Trying not to be distracting. This framing of the problem is marginalizing, sexist, and heteronormative.

It implies that girls have responsibility for boys' responses and that boys can't control themselves. People need to get a firm grip on the fact that girls are not sexual thermostats for their male peers. Boys need to manage themselves and are fully capable of doing so.

Boys have grown up with ideas about how her clothes can 'distract' boys and make them do things they haven't been told or asked overtly to control. The girl also might very well have internalized ideas repeatedly conveyed to her about how people confuse her clothes for 'morality', or intent, how others can use or comment on her body, how her consent is neither expected or respected.

Because a girl with a 'reputation' is perceived as a slut by her school community, she is not the 'perfect victim' and therefore not believed or supported by many who learn about her rape.

"We learned that most men are not violent, but a lot of men are silent, which is why there is such a need for us to speak up and be that guy who stands up for girls and women in the face of violence."

Those who mistreat her justify their actions on the grounds that the slut is too sexual, and therefore deserves policing or punishment.

Slut props up a rape culture in which many people, men and women alike, believe that coercing a female to perform sexual acts she doesn't want to do, or to which she can't say no, is unproblematic. If a girl or women is sexually assaulted, she is said to deserve it because she's, well, a slut. If she didn't provoke it, the perpetrator would've been able to control it's lusts.

No matter what a girl or woman has done sexually, no matter what clothes she wears, no matter what has happened to her, no matter what her body looks like, and no matter who she is,
-she never deserves to be labeled a slut.
-no women is ever a slut.

Male survivors frequently blame themselves, questioning why they weren't 'strong enough' or 'dominant' enough to prevent the rape from happening.

Who benefits when we spend our energy looking into a victim's/ accuser's/ complainant's/ survivor's past and not the perpetrator's/respondent's/defendant's past? Who benefits when we ask questions such as 'Why was she there?', 'Why did she drink so much?', 'Why did she walk home with him?', 'Why was she wearing that short skirt?', and not 'WHY DID HE RAPE HER?'

In our society, there is an attitude that one's experience of violence is only legitimate if they fight back. Society teaches women, queer people and other groups that fighting back isn't in their nature, and is a sign of a tendency towards violence or instability or undesirability. Any type of coercion -physical, emotional, economic- can make 'fighting back' far from a viable option.

Force is about more than holding someone down. It's about trapping someone in a pattern, about an assumption of consent in a relationship, about an unspoken threat if a person is to say no.
Indeed, an often-cited issue is that assaults that don't result in broken bones, bruises, scars or hospital visits must not be 'violent enough' to necessitate help.

People are able to hide experiences from themselves or from others for years, that doesn't change what happened.

It implies that girls have responsibility for boys' responses and that boys can't control themselves. People need to get a firm grip on the fact that girls are not sexual thermostats for their male peers. Boys need to manage themselves and are fully capable of doing so.

When girls are young there is a dream that we are in an equal world -even our sexual rights are equal- then they get a shock when something goes wrong and they are not believed or supported.

When you have a culture where women are blamed for their abuse, it is very hard to make the legal system work because the people who are part of that system -police, prosecutors, judges, parliamentarians- are also part of that culture.
Any transgressions that result in your being harassed is your fault.
There are no corresponding codes for men and in fact, men are viewed as lacking any self-control at all, excusing all forms of violence against women.

Because a girl with a 'reputation' is perceived as a slut by her school community, she is not the 'perfect victim' and therefore not believed or supported by many who learn about her rape.

No one wants to be associated with the slut of the moment for fear of being shamed or humiliated too.

Many of us have come to believe that our bodies should always be visible and available. We judge other female bodies, and our bodies are always judged. Performance and surveillance are now central to everyone's lives, and especially so for girls and young women.

Girls primary value comes from being sexually desirable and available. Yet paradoxically, slut and ho also signify that being sexually desirable and available reduce a female's worth. From every angle, females are evaluated through a sexual prism.

He's perceived to be not the victim, but rather a winner.

It implies that girls have responsibility for boys' responses and that boys can't control themselves.
People need to get a firm grip on the fact that girls are not sexual thermostats for their male peers. Boys need to manage themselves and are fully capable of doing so.

Boys have grown up with ideas about how her clothes can 'distract' boys and make them do things they haven't been told or asked overtly to control. The girl also might very well have internalized ideas repeatedly conveyed to her about how people confuse her clothes for 'morality', or intent, how others can use or comment on her body, how her consent is neither expected or respected.

"We learned that most men are not violent, but a lot of men are silent, which is why there is such a need for us to speak up and be that guy who stands up for girls and women in the face of violence."

Games of inclusion and exclusion are the initiation of girls. It requires girls to disassociate themselves form their desires and from their own bodies.

Those who mistreat her justify their actions on the grounds that the slut is too sexual, and therefore deserves policing or punishment.

Girls primary value comes from being sexually desirable and available. Yet paradoxically, slut and ho also signify that being sexually desirable and available reduce a female's worth. From every angle, females are evaluated through a sexual prism.

Slut props up a rape culture in which many people, men and women alike, believe that coercing a female to perform sexual acts she doesn't want to do, or to which she can't say no, is unproblematic. If a girl or women is sexually assaulted, she is said to deserve it because she's, well, a slut. If she didn't provoke it, the perpetrator would've been able to control it's lusts.

Either way, the choice of what to do with her body and sexuality is at least partially, if not totally, taken out of her hands.

When a man doesn't fulfill his assigned role, he's ridiculed, called names, ostracized, and sometimes punished with physical violence.
This belief that men are always in charge and in control sexually leads many men to deny experiences of rape or sexual assault, whether the perpetrator is female or male.

The one and only group of people who truly benefit from these cultural norms -perpetrators of sexual violence.
They are masters at using this terrible trifecta to both aid them in committing assaults and cover them up afterwards.

He's perceived to be not the victim, but rather a winner.

Who benefits when we spend our energy looking into a victim's/ accuser's/ complainant's/ survivor's past and not the perpetrator's/respondent's/defendant's past? Who benefits when we ask questions such as 'Why was she there?', 'Why did she drink so much?', 'Why did she walk home with him?', 'Why was she wearing that short skirt?', and not 'WHY DID HE RAPE HER?'

Violence can occur regardless of sexual orientation. Male-male sexual violence is most commonplace in gender-segregated communities, specifically institutions such as the military, fraternities and sport teams, the prison system and among queer populations perpetrated by other queer men or by straight men.

In our society, there is an attitude that one's experience of violence is only legitimate if they fight back. Society teaches women, queer people and other groups that fighting back isn't in their nature, and is a sign of a tendency towards violence or instability or undesirability.
Any type of coercion -physical, emotional, economic- can make 'fighting back' far from a viable option.

Force is about more than holding someone down. It's about trapping someone in a pattern, about an assumption of consent in a relationship, about an unspoken threat if a person is to say no.
Indeed, an often-cited issue is that assaults that don't result in broken bones, bruises, scars or hospital visits must not be 'violent enough' to necessitate help.

It implies that girls have responsibility for boys' responses and that boys can't control themselves. People need to get a firm grip on the fact that girls are not sexual thermostats for their male peers. Boys need to manage themselves and are fully capable of doing so.

The biggest common factor of rape culture is the lower status given to women and girls.

When you have a culture where women are blamed for their abuse, it is very hard to make the legal system work because the people who are part of that system -police, prosecutors, judges, parliamentarians- are also part of that culture.
Any transgressions that result in your being harassed is your fault.
There are no corresponding codes for men and in fact, men are viewed as lacking any self-control at all, excusing all forms of violence against women.

Because a girl with a 'reputation' is perceived as a slut by her school community, she is not the 'perfect victim' and therefore not believed or supported by many who learn about her rape.

When people speak out they give others permission to do the same.

Slut bashing = verbal harassment in which a girl is intentionally targeted because she doesn't adhere to the feminine norms
Slut shaming = the act of labelling someone as a slut in a non-bullying context. It is a casual and often indirect form of judgement.

The intention is to police another girl. to warn her that she's being watched. As a guardian of sexual values.
Just as often there is a disconnect between their intentions and the consequences enacted by others, who may not be clued in to the irony and playfulness.

Reclaiming the word may end up causing more harm than good.

If our bodies are already sexual, is there any way that we can dress modestly and be respected?

GIRLS SEEKING VALIDATION FROM BOYS BY SLUTSHAMING

In so many slut shaming cases girls are often the ones being brutal against one another over a guy. In Pakistan, India etc domestic violence is violence perpetrated by mother-in-law against daughter-in-law. FGM is carried on by female circumcisers.

Because a girl with a 'reputation' is perceived as a slut by her school community, she is not the 'perfect victim' and therefore not believed or supported by many who learn about her rape.

Language matters and the dirtying of female sexuality and limiting of female sexual expression is perpetuated every time someone uses (says, texts, posts etc.) the word slut.

No one wants to be associated with the slut of the moment for fear of being shamed or humiliated too.

Either way, the choice of what to do with her body and sexuality is at least partially, if not totally, taken out of her hands.

The intention is to police another girl. to warn her that she's being watched. As a guardian of sexual values.

In the commodity model of sex, not only does men's sexuality lack any inherent value, but men are also pushed to be in constant control, distant from each other and women, and in constant competition.
There is a distinct advantage of being in control of course, but the expectation this creates for male behaviour leads to its own share of trouble.

Their goal is to control or manipulate women and obtain their value as commodities.

The one and only group of people who truly benefit from these cultural norms -perpetrators of sexual violence.
They are masters at using this terrible trifecta to both aid them in committing assaults and cover them up afterwards.

Abuse doesn't always stop when a relationship ends.

Violence can occur regardless of sexual orientation. Male-male sexual violence is most commonplace in gender-segregated communities, specifically institutions such as the military, fraternities and sport teams, the prison system and among queer populations perpetrated by other queer men or by straight men.

THE LOVE LAWS of patriarchy = laws that establish "who can be loved, and how, and how much?" Across time and cultures, the suppression of an ethically resisting voice has been tied to controlling women's sexuality.

Abuse doesn't always stop when a relationship ends.

it doesn't take guts to be a bully these days because you don't have to expose yourself and take responsibility for your actions. Before internet bullies had to make an effort that carried the risk of exposure.
For the girl who's targeted, the experience of being labeled as a slut is heightened and sharpened like never before. Slut is an identity with no escape. It's part of the permanent digital record.

My acknowledgement of how the digital and mobile media landscape complicates and impacts how girls are slutted and defamed in schools is not an endorsement for limiting and policing teen's access to technology. This form of cyberbullying stems from the prevalence and normalization of sexism and misogyny in our public institutions and pop culture, and is heightened because of the hyper public nature of the digital space.
THE REAL PROBLEM IS OUR CULTURAL NARRATIVE ABOUT GIRLHOOD, AND NOT THE MEDIUM ITSELF.
Indeed, the same medium that is deployed as a tool for online harassment is also the channel that allow girls to organize, amplify their voices, document their experiences and speak truth to power collectively.

When girls are young there is a dream that we are in an equal world -even our sexual rights are equal- then they get a shock when something goes wrong and they are not believed or supported.

Because a girl with a 'reputation' is perceived as a slut by her school community, she is not the 'perfect victim' and therefore not believed or supported by many who learn about her rape.

The media makes a practice of sexualizing girls and women and glamorizing sexual violence.

IF MALE SEXUALITY HAS NO INHERENT VALUE, WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO TAKE IT BY FORCE OR COERCION?

Female perpetrators can rely on cultural beliefs that women don't rape and men can't be raped.

SEXUAL VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS ABOUT POWER AND NOT NECESSARILY TIED TO SEXUAL DESIRE OR PREFERENCES.

PHYSICAL AROUSAL DOES NOT EQUAL CONSENT. A BODILY REACTION IS NOT A 'YES'

BLAMING GIRLS FOR MAKING RATIONAL CHOICES ABOUT WHAT SOCIETY REWARDS THEM FOR IS USELESS AND HYPOCRITICAL.

her consent is neither expected or respected.

When you have a culture where women are blamed for their abuse, it is very hard to make the legal system work because the people who are part of that system -police, prosecutors, judges, parliamentarians- are also part of that culture.
Any transgressions that result in your being harassed is your fault.
There are no corresponding codes for men and in fact, men are viewed as lacking any self-control at all, excusing all forms of violence against women.

INTERNATIONAL ACTION IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. ALL GOVERNMENTS COME TOGETHER AT THE UNITED NATIONS. SO, WHEN THE UNITED NATIONS SET CERTAIN STANDARDS, EVEN IF THEY MIGHT NOT FILTER DOWN, THEY ARE GOING TO BE LISTENED TO MUCH MORE ACTIVELY THAN ANYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE AT THE NATIONAL LEVEL.
IT PROTECTS MARGINALIZED GROUPS THAT MAY BE AT RISK BECAUSE NOW THEIR GOVERNMENTS KNOW THAT THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY IS WATCHING, AND ALLOWS FOR LAWS AND POLICIES TO BE PUT INTO PLACE.

A WELL-FUNCTIONING LEGAL SYSTEM DOES NOT RESULT IN MANY PEOPLE IN JAIL, BUT RATHER PEOPLE DETERRED FROM COMMITTING CRIMES.

When people speak out they give others permission to do the same.

FEMINISM IS THE ACT OF SEPARATING PATRIARCHY FROM DEMOCRACY.
(BASICALLY FIGHTING FALLOCRACY)